I've been off the blog scene for a while and I apologize. To be honest I've been mulling over whether or not I would blog about what you're about to read. Obviously I've decided to do it so here goes...
I do not buy books, am not a buyer of books or a fan of buying books... but I do like receiving books. Why spend money on a book when you can borrow it from the library right? However, my Mom bought me the Twilight boxed set for my birthday this year - well, if you wanto get technical I bought it and she sent me a check but I digress. So even when I borrow a book from the library the first thing I do before I read it is take the dust jacket off (if you can cause most times they have them secured onto those books with superglue). When I am lucky enough to have a book lent to me by a friend I always take off the dust jacket while reading - actually, not to anyone who might possibly lend me a book in the future, I would prefer it if you kept your dust jacket at home and just gave me the book! Dust jackets are the skin of a book - they hide the imperfections, take on the scratches and scrapes and protect what's most important on the inside.
You've heard the saying "Never judge a book by it's cover." right? Well, that's kind of my underlying message here. Every book has a bad chapter or two. Yes ladies, there is even a part in Eclipse that I usually skip over (that's the third book in the Twilight series in case you don't know). Well, my personal book of life is no different - there are definitely a few bad chapers. My dust jacket is pretty scratched up but it does a really good job of hiding my imperfections.
There are very few people in my life I show weakness too. I will readily admit I'm a sympathetic cryer but that's the dust jacket... and it's what's inside the dust jacket that really matters. I know how I come across to people. Outgoing, energetic, smiley, in charge, organized, not shy, confident... you get the idea. In truth I have even been called Super Mom a few times. I am the Chair of School Community Council, I work from home transcribing, I sell Norwex, I delivery flyers three times a week, I do monthly newsletters for a Mary Kay director, I'm on the MOM's Ministry team at Church and I'm a stay at home Mom. Up until about a month ago I was also the secretary of our Community Association. Everyone always says they don't know how I do it and how amazing I am. I'm not trying to brag myself up here (although that does sound pretty good when I re-read it) but I just want to give you an idea of what my dust jacket hides.
Chapter 25. May 23, 2000. Sydney was born. We lived in Winnipeg. I had no family or friends there. After she was born was a huge up... and it was also a huge down. It wasn't until after Chapter 27 that I realized I had Post Partum Depression.
Chapter 27. April 2002. We moved back to Saskatoon. Thank God - literally, because I was slowly dying in Winnipeg. July 25, 2002. Megan was born. 3 months later I was sitting on the couch feeding her her bottle and my eyes scanned her body from head to toe and I realized I didn't know when she got that big - I missed it. It was as if I had blinked and three months had passed when I opened my eyes. I went to my Doctor and broke down in his office. I had Post Partum Depression. I started taking anti-depressants and for the first time in my life I felt like I couldn't talk to my Mom about something. My Mom is a very black and white person. Everything is a choice. If you sad - suck it up and smile. If you're addicted to pain killers it's your choice, all you have to do is stop taking them.
Chapter 28. At some point around the end of Chapter 27 and the start of Chapter 28 I began to realize that there was nothing to be ashamed of. I told my Mom. And she did just what a Mom is supposed to do - she supported me and told me she loved me and was happy I recognised when I needed help.
Chapters 29-31. Lots of ups and downs. I did go off my meds by choice and was doing pretty good. I always have to work really hard at keeping a positive frame of mind.
Chapter 31. February 2, 2007. Jeremy was born. In March I went to my Doctor and asked him for anti-depressants again.
Chapter 34. Summer 2009. I am noticing my anger getting out of control. I am not a weepy, sadly pathetic depressed person. I am mean. I yell at my kids and husband... a lot. November 2009. On our way home from Church one Sunday and I went nuclear. Megan didn't like the way her car seat felt on her bum and wouldn't stop crying/whining. I screamed "Shut Up!" at her three times and if she didn't "Shut up I was going to literally beat her when we got home I am so mad." It was as if I was standing outside the van window watching myself say these things. Ryan sat quietly in the passenger seat. Sydney kept her mouth shut and I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw Jeremy just staring at me.
I know what I have is not just Post Partum Depression. I have Depression. Period. And the reason I decided to blog about this is I'm tired of keeping my dust jacket on all the time. The first thing I do when I read a book is take it off so why should I keep mine on all the time? Let me state a few things though. I do enjoy life - I have never come anywhere close to wanting to hurt myself or my children. I am by nature a very outgoing person and I am also very self conscious of myself. When I'm talking in front of a group my stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm gonna throw up a lot. Part of me thinks that when I take off the dust jacket people's perceptions of me might change but you know what? They should. I am NOT Super Mom and I can't do it all. I cry, I yell at my kids, my house is messy and there are lots of times I just go into my bedroom, shut the door and listen to my iPod - messy house or no messy house. Rule #1 - you gotta take care of yourself in order to take care of your family. I am not good to anyone, not even myself, if I don't take care of the pages in my book.
I know most of you who read this blog know me but what I'm hoping is that maybe you know somebody who SHOULD read this blog that doesn't know me and point them in this direction.
And just to update you on the time between me going nuclear in the van and now... I recently saw my doctor and asked him if we could up the dosage on my anit-depressants. I am very happy to be able to tell you that last week was my PMS week and I actually felt like a normal person. Please keep me in your prayers so that I can continue to stay on top of my depression and keep control of my own life. Thank you.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Photography
On Tuesday we had Kimberly Evans of L4 Photography come to teach us about photography. Kim got the name for her business from the 4 L's, live, love, laugh, learn. Some of the tips she shared with us were:
-Have your camera accessible
By having your camera accessible you are more likely to get the candid shots that you love
- When looking to hire a professional photographer check out their web sites to get an idea of their style and if you want have a meeting prior to booking to be sure that you are comfortable with them as your photographer.
- Kim recommended hiring a professional photographer over taking your own pictures when you are wanting to capture those moments that are extra special that you will want to treasure always. Such things as: weddings, baby's first year
- When looking for something to do with the boxes of old photographs, Kim recommended taking them and having them scanned and put on a CD. Then you could clear out all the old negatives and pictures that are cluttering up your house.
- Another great idea Kim shared with us is the idea of a coffee table book. The website she recommended was photobookcanada.com, or the business she uses in Saskatoon is Don's Photo.
If you are interested in contacting Kim for more information please check out her web site at:
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Shattered Pieces
Well this quote that I'm leaving with you today has quite an emotional story behind it. It is about a lady that I know. She had a little girl pass away from cancer at the age of 2. Her story is a long and emotional one to say the least. At the funeral for her daughter I went up to give her a hug and ended up being the one bawling my eyes out and her comforting me! I told her that she was the strongest person I have ever met. All she could say was it was God and not her. If God were not with her she would be a wreck. Anyway, fast forward to today and she has made a beautiful quilt that she is raffling off and the money raised is going toward the Small Hands Initiative and the Childhood Cancer Foundation. When you look at the picture of the quilt think of this:
When your life is shattered, you can let the pieces stay in a pile, or let God put them together to create something even more beautiful.
All the broken pieces of your life are nothing more than the beautiful mosaic of your future.
I'm not sure who to give credit to for the quotes, but I thought they were beautiful, as well as something we can all learn from no matter what the situations are in our life.
Check out her web page for more info:
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I'm not gonna talk about H1N1... honest!
It would take a lot for me to consider boycotting Facebook... but after the last few days I could actually seriously consider it. Well, maybe in a passing thought I did... very briefly as I was thinking about how I should start this blog.
Remember in school when you would always come up with codes for the alphabet so nobody could read your notes (that's a hint by the way)? It seems that every status update, email, tweet, newspaper, radio show, newscast and even the neighbourhood cat has something to say about the 8a14a and I have to tell you it's driving me crazy... especially since I jumped off the fence and got Jeremy vaccinated on Tuesday. Oh, and I was interviewed that afternoon by someone from CBC radio... not sure if they aired it, but I was interviewed!
I was reading a friends status update this morning on Facebook and she referred to the fact that their decision had been made. There was a "like" and lots of comments and then there was one comment that stood out from the rest that said something like this: "I'd suggest NOT inflicting vaccines filled with mercury and [poop] on your son. Especially when they are totally unnecessary." ????????????????????
When I was still on the fence I had lots of discussions with people regarding the 8a14a vaccine - and everyone seemed to be on the fence. There were a few people who were pretty confident in their decision - whether it before or against it but here's the key: out of all the people discussing it - nobody had gotten anything done yet (at that point). So after you hop off your fence and make a choice, no matter what the choice, it is YOUR choice. That's the bottom line. You can ask your Mom, doctors, nurses, friends, your dentist or the neighbourhood cat for their opinions and thoughts, but it is still YOUR choice. After you've hopped off the fence and done what you think is right for your child (and contrary to popular belief, we Mother's do care about our children more than our own lives and don't hop off fences just for fun) - what gives people the right to criticize what you've done and, worse yet, try to make you feel like you made the wrong decision? Seriously - these are our children we're talking about, and I don't know anyone who would do anything at all to endanger their lives... it doesn't matter which way you decided to hop but when you hopped your child was first and foremost on your mind and you did what you felt was in their best interest.
There is no right or wrong here. I could offer my insight on the 8a14a vaccine but I won't. I could tell you why I decided to have Jeremy vaccinated and why I intend to have Sydney and Megan vaccinated but I won't. I hope that when you decide to hop off the fence that you feel good about it - I hope that some over opinionated person doesn't say something to make you regret your decision or make you feel like you didn't have your child's best interests in mind. And finally, when you do decide to hop, no matter which side of the fence you're hopping to, I hope you do it with both feet.
For more information on the 8a14a click here http://www.saskatoonhealthregion.ca/your_health/ps_public_health_ip07_about.htm
Remember in school when you would always come up with codes for the alphabet so nobody could read your notes (that's a hint by the way)? It seems that every status update, email, tweet, newspaper, radio show, newscast and even the neighbourhood cat has something to say about the 8a14a and I have to tell you it's driving me crazy... especially since I jumped off the fence and got Jeremy vaccinated on Tuesday. Oh, and I was interviewed that afternoon by someone from CBC radio... not sure if they aired it, but I was interviewed!
I was reading a friends status update this morning on Facebook and she referred to the fact that their decision had been made. There was a "like" and lots of comments and then there was one comment that stood out from the rest that said something like this: "I'd suggest NOT inflicting vaccines filled with mercury and [poop] on your son. Especially when they are totally unnecessary." ????????????????????
When I was still on the fence I had lots of discussions with people regarding the 8a14a vaccine - and everyone seemed to be on the fence. There were a few people who were pretty confident in their decision - whether it before or against it but here's the key: out of all the people discussing it - nobody had gotten anything done yet (at that point). So after you hop off your fence and make a choice, no matter what the choice, it is YOUR choice. That's the bottom line. You can ask your Mom, doctors, nurses, friends, your dentist or the neighbourhood cat for their opinions and thoughts, but it is still YOUR choice. After you've hopped off the fence and done what you think is right for your child (and contrary to popular belief, we Mother's do care about our children more than our own lives and don't hop off fences just for fun) - what gives people the right to criticize what you've done and, worse yet, try to make you feel like you made the wrong decision? Seriously - these are our children we're talking about, and I don't know anyone who would do anything at all to endanger their lives... it doesn't matter which way you decided to hop but when you hopped your child was first and foremost on your mind and you did what you felt was in their best interest.
There is no right or wrong here. I could offer my insight on the 8a14a vaccine but I won't. I could tell you why I decided to have Jeremy vaccinated and why I intend to have Sydney and Megan vaccinated but I won't. I hope that when you decide to hop off the fence that you feel good about it - I hope that some over opinionated person doesn't say something to make you regret your decision or make you feel like you didn't have your child's best interests in mind. And finally, when you do decide to hop, no matter which side of the fence you're hopping to, I hope you do it with both feet.
For more information on the 8a14a click here http://www.saskatoonhealthregion.ca/your_health/ps_public_health_ip07_about.htm
Monday, November 2, 2009
Tip of the Week
Well ladies, sorry I have slipped a bit. But here is your tip for the last couple weeks. Hope you find it handy!
Need to remove a carpet stain? Try using a baby wipe or premoistened facial-cleansing wipe! Just soak up the spill with a paper towel. Then blot the carpet with the wipe, turning it as it absorbs the stain until clean. Then sponge the area with a damp cloth to rinse and let dry.
This tip was taken from the Good Housekeeping magazine. They tested with red wine and chocolate, and the stains dissapeared without any damage to the carpet's pile!
Need to remove a carpet stain? Try using a baby wipe or premoistened facial-cleansing wipe! Just soak up the spill with a paper towel. Then blot the carpet with the wipe, turning it as it absorbs the stain until clean. Then sponge the area with a damp cloth to rinse and let dry.
This tip was taken from the Good Housekeeping magazine. They tested with red wine and chocolate, and the stains dissapeared without any damage to the carpet's pile!
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