The end of March is right around the corner - sidenote; I was having a moment and thought March only had 28 days this year - end sidenote - and I'm sitting here thinking of this whole in like a lion out like a lamb or lamb lion. Really? I think the entire month of March was more like a polar bear than a lamb or a lion. I don't remember ever having this much snow piled on our deck. Thankfully the weather has slightly perked up over the last few days and I have had a few people tell me "supposed to go up to 7 on Sunday!". I'm not sure what weather man they are listening to but I'm looking at the 5 day forecast as I type this and it's supposed to SNOW on Sunday.
I've been doing my best to keep myself positive but I'm kinda losing steam. I did start shoveling my upper deck off on Sunday and have done some every day. My goal was to have the larger half cleared off and dry for Sunday (cause apparently it's going to be +7) so I could bring out my anti-gravity chair and lounge in the sun... even if I have to have my winter jacket on while lounging. I say my goal "was" instead of "is" because I've accomplished it! I even found our stairs to the lower deck. The bad news is the snow piled on our lower deck is now higher than the upper part and every time I see that pile I wonder how in the heck is that going to melt before the end of summer???? More bad news... there is no +7. It's -4 with a 70% chance of SNOW.
So how do we keep our spirits up through all this cold and snow? It's hard. Especially if you have depression. January is usually the worst month for me but I found it not too bad this year. February went fairly quickly because we (we being my husband and I) got to go to Vegas during February break without kids - another sidenote; you might be thinking "of course without kids, who would take their kids to Vegas?" and I have to say you might be thinking wrong! There were LOTS of kids there. We even saw a Dad at a slot machine snuggling with his daughter (looked to be around 8 or 9) WHILE he was gambling! - end sidenote. But I must say, I had a really hard time in March.
March is supposed to be the month where we start to hear the birds chirping, our pants start getting wet on the bottom cause there are puddles everywhere and everyone comes out of hibernation to slowly chip away at the snow/ice piles on the streets (or deck in my case - even though I will get to the street eventually). I love spring. I love getting outside to chip away at the snow and ice, making huge water puddle dams with the kids while Ryan tries to find the drain and getting the driveway cleared off so the kids can pull out their scooters and skateboards. So I am finding this weather really tough to get through. My motivation is nowhere to be found and I'm losing my patience with my kids a lot faster than I normally do, I don't want to go out much less DO anything inside either.
So back to getting through the end of winter and depression. What helps me get through it? My friends. Plain and simple. I have a group of friends who I don't have to hide myself from or hide my moods from. Next up... my Church. I love being at the Church and my Tuesday mornings and the meetings I have with the Leadership team get me up and out of the house... closer to my friends and other women who are going through the same things I am. I know that the snow will melt, the weather will warm up and we will see grass at some point - but until that happens I will lean on my friends and ask them to help me. I encourage you to do the same! Don't hide how you are feeling - don't be miserable and unhappy at home only to put on your happy face when you go out. Talk to someone. Be yourself and be honest. You might be surprised at their response. I would also like to encourage you to find one of your friends who you know is having a hard time and invite them to MOMS one Tuesday. We need to be rely on our circle of friends to help us get through the tough times and be there with us to celebrate the good. Life is hard (especially if you live in Saskatchewan) but we need to enjoy the journey while we are on it instead of looking at the 5 day forecast.
Showing posts with label Inside Shauna's Mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inside Shauna's Mind. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Reality versus Reflecting
Today is my middle child's birthday... and she is 10 years old. Time is relative I guess and while we're living it we don't really notice it flying by but when we reflect on it... well, even then when someone asks me "Does it feel like 10 years have gone by?" I can't honestly answer yes! Don't get me wrong, it's been great... but sometimes the great
times are over shadowed by those dark and hallowing
memories and it's then that I think that those people who whistfully reflect on the past 10 years are nuts when they have that whistful looking smile on their face. Raising a kid is hard and everyone always tells you to enjoy it while you can because before you know it they'll be grown up and have moved out. Those people are reflecting and what I think I'm figuring out is that when we are looking back and reflecting on our children's lives our memories have a buffer zone that hides the not-so-rainbows and unicorns moments and you have to think really hard to remember them. What I think we all need to know is that for those of us who are in the now, the reality of it is that it's okay not to enjoy every moment.
I remember one episode of Oprah where there were some Moms on the show and one of them was living in a bubble. She basically said that everything was always perfect in her life. You could hear people gasping and murmuring, a few even mocking and I think EVERY woman in that audience was scowling at her in disbelief... and there were quite a few who got up to the microphone and basically told her she was lying (she really did seem to be living in lala land because I don't know anyone who hasn't had a bad day since they had kids). I think we all need to realize that it's okay not to love your life all the time and even more so, it's okay if you're not perfect or super Mom or whatever you want to call it. THAT is reality.
Which leads me to MOMS. Moms Offering Moms Support. I've sat at a lot of tables over the past 4 years and guess what? Nobody is perfect and that is why I love MOMS. You can be honest and talk about the hard times in your life - no matter what they are - and you will never be judged or looked at like you're crazy because no matter what you are going through in your life you have to remember that you are never the only one. Never. If you haven't had the opportunity to join us at MOMS or think that because it's in a Church it's not for you I encourage you to go back and read some of my earlier blogs because I was the least Churchy person out there.
The countdown is on and I am looking very forward to our upcoming term. MOMS is for everyone and for those of you who have attended MOMS I want to encourage you to think of one person in your life who needs MOMS and start talking to them about it because the reality is, we all need someone to talk to.
I remember one episode of Oprah where there were some Moms on the show and one of them was living in a bubble. She basically said that everything was always perfect in her life. You could hear people gasping and murmuring, a few even mocking and I think EVERY woman in that audience was scowling at her in disbelief... and there were quite a few who got up to the microphone and basically told her she was lying (she really did seem to be living in lala land because I don't know anyone who hasn't had a bad day since they had kids). I think we all need to realize that it's okay not to love your life all the time and even more so, it's okay if you're not perfect or super Mom or whatever you want to call it. THAT is reality.
Which leads me to MOMS. Moms Offering Moms Support. I've sat at a lot of tables over the past 4 years and guess what? Nobody is perfect and that is why I love MOMS. You can be honest and talk about the hard times in your life - no matter what they are - and you will never be judged or looked at like you're crazy because no matter what you are going through in your life you have to remember that you are never the only one. Never. If you haven't had the opportunity to join us at MOMS or think that because it's in a Church it's not for you I encourage you to go back and read some of my earlier blogs because I was the least Churchy person out there.
The countdown is on and I am looking very forward to our upcoming term. MOMS is for everyone and for those of you who have attended MOMS I want to encourage you to think of one person in your life who needs MOMS and start talking to them about it because the reality is, we all need someone to talk to.
Monday, September 19, 2011
OTHER people's lives.
I am a HUGE TV watcher. I have a weekly schedule all set out and ready to go on my PVR and it's true that when watching TV we all associate with the characters on certain shows and enjoy watching the mishaps in their lives. It's real easy to feel good about yourself when looking at someone who has many flaws and bad things going on in their life... but don't we all? Isn't there someone out there looking at us and thinking they have it pretty good compared to us? My bet is there is. We need to put what is happening to us at the time into perspective. No matter what is happening to you... there is always something or somebody who's got it worse. I know you can't live your life like that, thinking you've got it pretty good at the expense of someone who has got it worse or that you need to keep your chin up because there's somebody worse off, because what is happening to you matters - you just have to keep it in perspective. What recently changed in my mind (and by recently I mean about 10 minutes ago) is that rather than focusing on the bad guy who will always make you feel better, why not focus on the good guy who will make you strive to DO better? We're always going to have bad days or moments, but He has a plan for everything that happens in our lives and we need to trust in that.
I was reading an article in Thriving Family this morning and just had to post this. It was written from the standpoint of a guy... but it could have been written by me, including leaving the note on the car... and yes, my own husband would have stopped that in it's tracks too! So, other than attending church early in my married life (or really any part of my life prior to 3 years ago for that matter) and loving the cooking show, which I do like, but don't go out of my way to watch... here you go! All credits go to Thriving Family Magazine and David Meurer.
I like a TV show that features and enraged, spittle-emitting chef screaming at his cooks and hurling pans across the kitchen. The guy is one part culinary genius and one part crazed badger. True, I have my owon struggles with anger, but cmopared to that screaming chef, I am Saint Francis of Assisi spreading serenity through a forest of grateful woodland creatures. I think this is why I keep turning in. The guy makes me look good. Comparisons can let you cut yourself a lot of slack. If you set the bar low enough and only compare yourself with people who are spectacularly worse than you are, you can feel awesome about yourself without having to do the hard work of actually changing. I know this is a ridiculous rationalization on my part. The fact that I have not resorted to fits of kitchen-destroying rage does not diminish the times when I am surly because things aren't going my way. Early in my married life I was a fanatic about being on time. If we were one minute late for church, my jaw would be clenched for hours. I think God gave me kids who are prone to misplace their shoes to guarantee I would be late - a lot - and thus be forced to confront my inner jerk. Because my standard is Jesus, not some pan-hurling chef, I continue to work on my tendency towards anger. The bar is set high. So high, in fact, that I need God's help to reach it. My attempts are sometimes less than graceful. I recently found myself in a parking lot, scribbling a helpful note to the apprently blind driver of a bright red Corvette who had taken two parking spaces. My wife asked to see the note, which I reluctantly handed over. "Hmm," she mused. "I'm just not picturing Jesus using a term like blithering moron with the navigational skills of a diseased armadillo." Long pause. I really wanted to slap the note on the windshield of that car. And I would have set a really bad example for my wife and kids. Grudgingly, I tore up the note. Jesus set the standard. So each day I asked God for the power to be the husband and father He wants me to be.
* Thriving Family Magazine is published by Focus on the Family and will help you introduce Christian aspects into your everyday family life. If you would like to check it out and subscribe, please click HERE. Copies can also be found in the Power Hour Lobby at Lakeview Church.
I was reading an article in Thriving Family this morning and just had to post this. It was written from the standpoint of a guy... but it could have been written by me, including leaving the note on the car... and yes, my own husband would have stopped that in it's tracks too! So, other than attending church early in my married life (or really any part of my life prior to 3 years ago for that matter) and loving the cooking show, which I do like, but don't go out of my way to watch... here you go! All credits go to Thriving Family Magazine and David Meurer.
Fast Cars and Furious Chefs by David Meurer
I like a TV show that features and enraged, spittle-emitting chef screaming at his cooks and hurling pans across the kitchen. The guy is one part culinary genius and one part crazed badger. True, I have my owon struggles with anger, but cmopared to that screaming chef, I am Saint Francis of Assisi spreading serenity through a forest of grateful woodland creatures. I think this is why I keep turning in. The guy makes me look good. Comparisons can let you cut yourself a lot of slack. If you set the bar low enough and only compare yourself with people who are spectacularly worse than you are, you can feel awesome about yourself without having to do the hard work of actually changing. I know this is a ridiculous rationalization on my part. The fact that I have not resorted to fits of kitchen-destroying rage does not diminish the times when I am surly because things aren't going my way. Early in my married life I was a fanatic about being on time. If we were one minute late for church, my jaw would be clenched for hours. I think God gave me kids who are prone to misplace their shoes to guarantee I would be late - a lot - and thus be forced to confront my inner jerk. Because my standard is Jesus, not some pan-hurling chef, I continue to work on my tendency towards anger. The bar is set high. So high, in fact, that I need God's help to reach it. My attempts are sometimes less than graceful. I recently found myself in a parking lot, scribbling a helpful note to the apprently blind driver of a bright red Corvette who had taken two parking spaces. My wife asked to see the note, which I reluctantly handed over. "Hmm," she mused. "I'm just not picturing Jesus using a term like blithering moron with the navigational skills of a diseased armadillo." Long pause. I really wanted to slap the note on the windshield of that car. And I would have set a really bad example for my wife and kids. Grudgingly, I tore up the note. Jesus set the standard. So each day I asked God for the power to be the husband and father He wants me to be.
* Thriving Family Magazine is published by Focus on the Family and will help you introduce Christian aspects into your everyday family life. If you would like to check it out and subscribe, please click HERE. Copies can also be found in the Power Hour Lobby at Lakeview Church.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
7 day forecast.
Apparently it's supposed to be +1 on Monday. My theory on the weather forecast is that it's geared towards preventing riots. Have you ever noticed how the last 2 days of a 7 day forecast are always warmer? And as each day passes those 2 days don't get closer, they keep on moving to the last 2 days? They truly are happy where they are - no complaints in their life, just happy to be the last 2 days. Unfortunately that leaves us in the cold. So you look at the forecast, get down about the -33 with the windchill AGAIN but see that it's supposed to get nicer on Monday.... or is it? I mean we know it has to come eventually, but when we're into March and spring isn't in sight all I can keep telling myself is "At least it's not November!".
For those of us who have depression - January and February are really hard months. Winter is coming to an end (or it's supposed to be coming to an end) and the lack of sunshine is so apparently obvious as each day passes. Personally, I'm not a fan of the winter sun, it's low in the sky and so incredibly bright that it annoys me but I will admit that it is better than the snow... and on the days where it's so cold there is a sundog around the sun - it's breathtaking (if you don't freeze your insides when taking that breath).
On this particular morning it was -37. Thankfully I was at the Church for a MOMS meeting or I might not have seen this because nobody goes out at 8:45 in the morning when it's -37 if they don't have to. I know a LOT of people who are struggling with this weather right now. For me if everyone in my house makes it through another day alive it's a good day. The bonus - I'm not alone... and neither is everyone else. Remember that in everything you are experiencing in your life - someone else is going through the same thing. You are NEVER alone.
The solution to cold weather and depression is simple. Friends. When it's -37 and nobody in their right mind would go out if they didn't have to, GO OUT... because when you're struggling with depression you're not in your right mind!
The prudent (the smart chicks) see danger and take refuge (call their friends); the simple (dummies for lack of a better word) go on (back to bed) and keep suffering (stay depressed). - Proverbs 22:3
Let your friends be your refuge! They want to help you! Think of your own friends and what you would do to help them feel better... pretty much anything right? And how does it make you feel when they let you help them? Good right? On the flip side - your friends feel the same way about you. When you don't ask for help or don't let them help you - you are denying them the right to serve you because they WANT to help you, they WANT to make you feel better and they WANT to be a part of your life. So let them.
For those of us who have depression - January and February are really hard months. Winter is coming to an end (or it's supposed to be coming to an end) and the lack of sunshine is so apparently obvious as each day passes. Personally, I'm not a fan of the winter sun, it's low in the sky and so incredibly bright that it annoys me but I will admit that it is better than the snow... and on the days where it's so cold there is a sundog around the sun - it's breathtaking (if you don't freeze your insides when taking that breath).
On this particular morning it was -37. Thankfully I was at the Church for a MOMS meeting or I might not have seen this because nobody goes out at 8:45 in the morning when it's -37 if they don't have to. I know a LOT of people who are struggling with this weather right now. For me if everyone in my house makes it through another day alive it's a good day. The bonus - I'm not alone... and neither is everyone else. Remember that in everything you are experiencing in your life - someone else is going through the same thing. You are NEVER alone.
The solution to cold weather and depression is simple. Friends. When it's -37 and nobody in their right mind would go out if they didn't have to, GO OUT... because when you're struggling with depression you're not in your right mind!
The prudent (the smart chicks) see danger and take refuge (call their friends); the simple (dummies for lack of a better word) go on (back to bed) and keep suffering (stay depressed). - Proverbs 22:3
Let your friends be your refuge! They want to help you! Think of your own friends and what you would do to help them feel better... pretty much anything right? And how does it make you feel when they let you help them? Good right? On the flip side - your friends feel the same way about you. When you don't ask for help or don't let them help you - you are denying them the right to serve you because they WANT to help you, they WANT to make you feel better and they WANT to be a part of your life. So let them.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Behind the Scenes
Sunday morning 10:00 service
The Green RoomDon't forget that registration night is this Tuesday - the 15th! It's from 6:30 to 7:30 in the lobby and I am looking very forward to seeing everyone there. If you can't make it that night you can still register on the first morning - which is Tuesday, March 1st. See you all in a couple of days!!!!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
What to say? Have you made any resolutions? I would like to challenge you to make a few that don't include losing weight, not snacking, eating healthier, exercising more... you get the picture. I'm not saying that eating healthier and exercising isn't healthy... they are just things you should be focusing on all the time - not just at the start of the year. I kind of think resolutions are over rated actually and as I type that I am wondering where they originated from and am going to Google it and let you know what I find out so just hold on for a moment... it's 9:30pm I'll be right back. Okay it's 9:32 and it has something to do with a guy named Janus and is really not all that interesting.
So other than stuff that resolves around food and exercise... what would you like to work on in your life? Money, relationships, faith, forgiveness, helping others? I would like to encourage you to comment and post a few of your resolutions - you can do it anonymously! There really is nothing better than the support and encouragement of those around you - even if there is no name attached!
To get things started, here are a few of my resolutions; I want to continue on my journey with God and have him be with me in everything I do from day to day - think of him in my decision making and be friends with him. I want to read the Bible (and have already started on that!). I want to bring more faith into our family outside of Church and praying at supper. The girls get their handouts every week at Power Hour and we put them on the fridge but I would actually like to take the time to do some of the activities that are on them.
Resolutions, not including food and exercise... what are yours?
So other than stuff that resolves around food and exercise... what would you like to work on in your life? Money, relationships, faith, forgiveness, helping others? I would like to encourage you to comment and post a few of your resolutions - you can do it anonymously! There really is nothing better than the support and encouragement of those around you - even if there is no name attached!
To get things started, here are a few of my resolutions; I want to continue on my journey with God and have him be with me in everything I do from day to day - think of him in my decision making and be friends with him. I want to read the Bible (and have already started on that!). I want to bring more faith into our family outside of Church and praying at supper. The girls get their handouts every week at Power Hour and we put them on the fridge but I would actually like to take the time to do some of the activities that are on them.
Resolutions, not including food and exercise... what are yours?
Sunday, December 5, 2010
My Lightswitch Moment
If you would've asked me about my religion prior to 2 years and 2 months ago I would have told you I was "Weddings and Funeral" Catholic. Well, you can throw Christmas in there too but I stopped going to mass at Easter a long time ago. So prior to 2 years and 2 months ago I had been to Church probably about 6 times in about 5 years.There have been many turning points in my journey with God ranging from a curling iron to new friends... to MOMS. One of the most pivitol "lightswitch" moments came from one of the least expected messages during table talk time at MOMS.
"Submit to one another (your spouse) out of revence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21.
First of all, when I think of the words "submit" and "husband" in the same sentence - my ginchies get in a knot (well, they used to). I mean seriously? You want me to submit to my husband? That's just crazy - I mean we live in a society where women are climbing up the corporate ladder and have careers... we are not dependent on anybody nor do we need to submit to anyone.
But think about this. God gave up his son for us... He let his son die... for us. Now think about your own children. Can you even possibly fathom letting your child die when you have the power to stop it?
How do you thank someone for letting their son die for you? So your sins could be forgiven and you could have everlasting life? How can you possibly thank God for that? Well, the answer is actually quite simple - God wants you to take all that love and thankfullness that you want to shower him with... and give it - or submit - to your husband. There are no words to express how much God loves us - how do you describe a love so strong that you would actually give up your only son?
I recently posted on Facebook that I have asked God to forgive my sins and accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour. I have been praying regularly, reading the Bible and asking God daily to open my heart to him. 2 years ago God started stirring my soul and today I am learning how to look for God in everything I do.
What's your "lightswitch" moment?
Monday, March 29, 2010
4 Days of Getting Up with the Kids!
Made pancakes for them this morning! So very grateful to Shelby and Rachel who have been calling me every morning to check up on me!! I have the most wonderful and supporting friends. Such a small change for me to make but it's impacting us all in a huge way.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Good Morning!
Guess what time I got up this morning? 7:30!!!! I set my alarm last night and got a wake up check up call from Shelby at about 7:35... just to make sure (and she did ask if I was actually out of bed and not just laying there awake). My reward? I was in the kitchen when Megan (my middle one) came out of her room and she looked at me with well, complete and total surprise and confusion to be honest and asked why did you set your alarm before mine? My answer - I wanted to get up with you guys this morning. Her response? She ran across the kitchen and gave me the biggest hug, looked up at me with a huge smile and then hugged me again. Wow. Talk about your heart stuttering.
She just left for school and as always, wanted a mouth smacking lip on lip kiss (definitely her love language) and I told her that God is always with her. Big smiles, big hug and she is off and ready to face the day.
My oldest (Sydney). Yea... kind of like pulling teeth with that girl to get any sort of response but I like to think she is smiling on the inside. We even managed to keep the TV off until after 8:00 and Jeremy actually ate his breakfast at the table instead of on the couch watching TV.
And the blizzard outside? Who cares. I had a great morning and spring is in the air!
She just left for school and as always, wanted a mouth smacking lip on lip kiss (definitely her love language) and I told her that God is always with her. Big smiles, big hug and she is off and ready to face the day.
My oldest (Sydney). Yea... kind of like pulling teeth with that girl to get any sort of response but I like to think she is smiling on the inside. We even managed to keep the TV off until after 8:00 and Jeremy actually ate his breakfast at the table instead of on the couch watching TV.
And the blizzard outside? Who cares. I had a great morning and spring is in the air!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Dust Jackets
I've been off the blog scene for a while and I apologize. To be honest I've been mulling over whether or not I would blog about what you're about to read. Obviously I've decided to do it so here goes...
I do not buy books, am not a buyer of books or a fan of buying books... but I do like receiving books. Why spend money on a book when you can borrow it from the library right? However, my Mom bought me the Twilight boxed set for my birthday this year - well, if you wanto get technical I bought it and she sent me a check but I digress. So even when I borrow a book from the library the first thing I do before I read it is take the dust jacket off (if you can cause most times they have them secured onto those books with superglue). When I am lucky enough to have a book lent to me by a friend I always take off the dust jacket while reading - actually, not to anyone who might possibly lend me a book in the future, I would prefer it if you kept your dust jacket at home and just gave me the book! Dust jackets are the skin of a book - they hide the imperfections, take on the scratches and scrapes and protect what's most important on the inside.
You've heard the saying "Never judge a book by it's cover." right? Well, that's kind of my underlying message here. Every book has a bad chapter or two. Yes ladies, there is even a part in Eclipse that I usually skip over (that's the third book in the Twilight series in case you don't know). Well, my personal book of life is no different - there are definitely a few bad chapers. My dust jacket is pretty scratched up but it does a really good job of hiding my imperfections.
There are very few people in my life I show weakness too. I will readily admit I'm a sympathetic cryer but that's the dust jacket... and it's what's inside the dust jacket that really matters. I know how I come across to people. Outgoing, energetic, smiley, in charge, organized, not shy, confident... you get the idea. In truth I have even been called Super Mom a few times. I am the Chair of School Community Council, I work from home transcribing, I sell Norwex, I delivery flyers three times a week, I do monthly newsletters for a Mary Kay director, I'm on the MOM's Ministry team at Church and I'm a stay at home Mom. Up until about a month ago I was also the secretary of our Community Association. Everyone always says they don't know how I do it and how amazing I am. I'm not trying to brag myself up here (although that does sound pretty good when I re-read it) but I just want to give you an idea of what my dust jacket hides.
Chapter 25. May 23, 2000. Sydney was born. We lived in Winnipeg. I had no family or friends there. After she was born was a huge up... and it was also a huge down. It wasn't until after Chapter 27 that I realized I had Post Partum Depression.
Chapter 27. April 2002. We moved back to Saskatoon. Thank God - literally, because I was slowly dying in Winnipeg. July 25, 2002. Megan was born. 3 months later I was sitting on the couch feeding her her bottle and my eyes scanned her body from head to toe and I realized I didn't know when she got that big - I missed it. It was as if I had blinked and three months had passed when I opened my eyes. I went to my Doctor and broke down in his office. I had Post Partum Depression. I started taking anti-depressants and for the first time in my life I felt like I couldn't talk to my Mom about something. My Mom is a very black and white person. Everything is a choice. If you sad - suck it up and smile. If you're addicted to pain killers it's your choice, all you have to do is stop taking them.
Chapter 28. At some point around the end of Chapter 27 and the start of Chapter 28 I began to realize that there was nothing to be ashamed of. I told my Mom. And she did just what a Mom is supposed to do - she supported me and told me she loved me and was happy I recognised when I needed help.
Chapters 29-31. Lots of ups and downs. I did go off my meds by choice and was doing pretty good. I always have to work really hard at keeping a positive frame of mind.
Chapter 31. February 2, 2007. Jeremy was born. In March I went to my Doctor and asked him for anti-depressants again.
Chapter 34. Summer 2009. I am noticing my anger getting out of control. I am not a weepy, sadly pathetic depressed person. I am mean. I yell at my kids and husband... a lot. November 2009. On our way home from Church one Sunday and I went nuclear. Megan didn't like the way her car seat felt on her bum and wouldn't stop crying/whining. I screamed "Shut Up!" at her three times and if she didn't "Shut up I was going to literally beat her when we got home I am so mad." It was as if I was standing outside the van window watching myself say these things. Ryan sat quietly in the passenger seat. Sydney kept her mouth shut and I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw Jeremy just staring at me.
I know what I have is not just Post Partum Depression. I have Depression. Period. And the reason I decided to blog about this is I'm tired of keeping my dust jacket on all the time. The first thing I do when I read a book is take it off so why should I keep mine on all the time? Let me state a few things though. I do enjoy life - I have never come anywhere close to wanting to hurt myself or my children. I am by nature a very outgoing person and I am also very self conscious of myself. When I'm talking in front of a group my stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm gonna throw up a lot. Part of me thinks that when I take off the dust jacket people's perceptions of me might change but you know what? They should. I am NOT Super Mom and I can't do it all. I cry, I yell at my kids, my house is messy and there are lots of times I just go into my bedroom, shut the door and listen to my iPod - messy house or no messy house. Rule #1 - you gotta take care of yourself in order to take care of your family. I am not good to anyone, not even myself, if I don't take care of the pages in my book.
I know most of you who read this blog know me but what I'm hoping is that maybe you know somebody who SHOULD read this blog that doesn't know me and point them in this direction.
And just to update you on the time between me going nuclear in the van and now... I recently saw my doctor and asked him if we could up the dosage on my anit-depressants. I am very happy to be able to tell you that last week was my PMS week and I actually felt like a normal person. Please keep me in your prayers so that I can continue to stay on top of my depression and keep control of my own life. Thank you.
I do not buy books, am not a buyer of books or a fan of buying books... but I do like receiving books. Why spend money on a book when you can borrow it from the library right? However, my Mom bought me the Twilight boxed set for my birthday this year - well, if you wanto get technical I bought it and she sent me a check but I digress. So even when I borrow a book from the library the first thing I do before I read it is take the dust jacket off (if you can cause most times they have them secured onto those books with superglue). When I am lucky enough to have a book lent to me by a friend I always take off the dust jacket while reading - actually, not to anyone who might possibly lend me a book in the future, I would prefer it if you kept your dust jacket at home and just gave me the book! Dust jackets are the skin of a book - they hide the imperfections, take on the scratches and scrapes and protect what's most important on the inside.
You've heard the saying "Never judge a book by it's cover." right? Well, that's kind of my underlying message here. Every book has a bad chapter or two. Yes ladies, there is even a part in Eclipse that I usually skip over (that's the third book in the Twilight series in case you don't know). Well, my personal book of life is no different - there are definitely a few bad chapers. My dust jacket is pretty scratched up but it does a really good job of hiding my imperfections.
There are very few people in my life I show weakness too. I will readily admit I'm a sympathetic cryer but that's the dust jacket... and it's what's inside the dust jacket that really matters. I know how I come across to people. Outgoing, energetic, smiley, in charge, organized, not shy, confident... you get the idea. In truth I have even been called Super Mom a few times. I am the Chair of School Community Council, I work from home transcribing, I sell Norwex, I delivery flyers three times a week, I do monthly newsletters for a Mary Kay director, I'm on the MOM's Ministry team at Church and I'm a stay at home Mom. Up until about a month ago I was also the secretary of our Community Association. Everyone always says they don't know how I do it and how amazing I am. I'm not trying to brag myself up here (although that does sound pretty good when I re-read it) but I just want to give you an idea of what my dust jacket hides.
Chapter 25. May 23, 2000. Sydney was born. We lived in Winnipeg. I had no family or friends there. After she was born was a huge up... and it was also a huge down. It wasn't until after Chapter 27 that I realized I had Post Partum Depression.
Chapter 27. April 2002. We moved back to Saskatoon. Thank God - literally, because I was slowly dying in Winnipeg. July 25, 2002. Megan was born. 3 months later I was sitting on the couch feeding her her bottle and my eyes scanned her body from head to toe and I realized I didn't know when she got that big - I missed it. It was as if I had blinked and three months had passed when I opened my eyes. I went to my Doctor and broke down in his office. I had Post Partum Depression. I started taking anti-depressants and for the first time in my life I felt like I couldn't talk to my Mom about something. My Mom is a very black and white person. Everything is a choice. If you sad - suck it up and smile. If you're addicted to pain killers it's your choice, all you have to do is stop taking them.
Chapter 28. At some point around the end of Chapter 27 and the start of Chapter 28 I began to realize that there was nothing to be ashamed of. I told my Mom. And she did just what a Mom is supposed to do - she supported me and told me she loved me and was happy I recognised when I needed help.
Chapters 29-31. Lots of ups and downs. I did go off my meds by choice and was doing pretty good. I always have to work really hard at keeping a positive frame of mind.
Chapter 31. February 2, 2007. Jeremy was born. In March I went to my Doctor and asked him for anti-depressants again.
Chapter 34. Summer 2009. I am noticing my anger getting out of control. I am not a weepy, sadly pathetic depressed person. I am mean. I yell at my kids and husband... a lot. November 2009. On our way home from Church one Sunday and I went nuclear. Megan didn't like the way her car seat felt on her bum and wouldn't stop crying/whining. I screamed "Shut Up!" at her three times and if she didn't "Shut up I was going to literally beat her when we got home I am so mad." It was as if I was standing outside the van window watching myself say these things. Ryan sat quietly in the passenger seat. Sydney kept her mouth shut and I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw Jeremy just staring at me.
I know what I have is not just Post Partum Depression. I have Depression. Period. And the reason I decided to blog about this is I'm tired of keeping my dust jacket on all the time. The first thing I do when I read a book is take it off so why should I keep mine on all the time? Let me state a few things though. I do enjoy life - I have never come anywhere close to wanting to hurt myself or my children. I am by nature a very outgoing person and I am also very self conscious of myself. When I'm talking in front of a group my stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm gonna throw up a lot. Part of me thinks that when I take off the dust jacket people's perceptions of me might change but you know what? They should. I am NOT Super Mom and I can't do it all. I cry, I yell at my kids, my house is messy and there are lots of times I just go into my bedroom, shut the door and listen to my iPod - messy house or no messy house. Rule #1 - you gotta take care of yourself in order to take care of your family. I am not good to anyone, not even myself, if I don't take care of the pages in my book.
I know most of you who read this blog know me but what I'm hoping is that maybe you know somebody who SHOULD read this blog that doesn't know me and point them in this direction.
And just to update you on the time between me going nuclear in the van and now... I recently saw my doctor and asked him if we could up the dosage on my anit-depressants. I am very happy to be able to tell you that last week was my PMS week and I actually felt like a normal person. Please keep me in your prayers so that I can continue to stay on top of my depression and keep control of my own life. Thank you.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I'm not gonna talk about H1N1... honest!
It would take a lot for me to consider boycotting Facebook... but after the last few days I could actually seriously consider it. Well, maybe in a passing thought I did... very briefly as I was thinking about how I should start this blog.
Remember in school when you would always come up with codes for the alphabet so nobody could read your notes (that's a hint by the way)? It seems that every status update, email, tweet, newspaper, radio show, newscast and even the neighbourhood cat has something to say about the 8a14a and I have to tell you it's driving me crazy... especially since I jumped off the fence and got Jeremy vaccinated on Tuesday. Oh, and I was interviewed that afternoon by someone from CBC radio... not sure if they aired it, but I was interviewed!
I was reading a friends status update this morning on Facebook and she referred to the fact that their decision had been made. There was a "like" and lots of comments and then there was one comment that stood out from the rest that said something like this: "I'd suggest NOT inflicting vaccines filled with mercury and [poop] on your son. Especially when they are totally unnecessary." ????????????????????
When I was still on the fence I had lots of discussions with people regarding the 8a14a vaccine - and everyone seemed to be on the fence. There were a few people who were pretty confident in their decision - whether it before or against it but here's the key: out of all the people discussing it - nobody had gotten anything done yet (at that point). So after you hop off your fence and make a choice, no matter what the choice, it is YOUR choice. That's the bottom line. You can ask your Mom, doctors, nurses, friends, your dentist or the neighbourhood cat for their opinions and thoughts, but it is still YOUR choice. After you've hopped off the fence and done what you think is right for your child (and contrary to popular belief, we Mother's do care about our children more than our own lives and don't hop off fences just for fun) - what gives people the right to criticize what you've done and, worse yet, try to make you feel like you made the wrong decision? Seriously - these are our children we're talking about, and I don't know anyone who would do anything at all to endanger their lives... it doesn't matter which way you decided to hop but when you hopped your child was first and foremost on your mind and you did what you felt was in their best interest.
There is no right or wrong here. I could offer my insight on the 8a14a vaccine but I won't. I could tell you why I decided to have Jeremy vaccinated and why I intend to have Sydney and Megan vaccinated but I won't. I hope that when you decide to hop off the fence that you feel good about it - I hope that some over opinionated person doesn't say something to make you regret your decision or make you feel like you didn't have your child's best interests in mind. And finally, when you do decide to hop, no matter which side of the fence you're hopping to, I hope you do it with both feet.
For more information on the 8a14a click here http://www.saskatoonhealthregion.ca/your_health/ps_public_health_ip07_about.htm
Remember in school when you would always come up with codes for the alphabet so nobody could read your notes (that's a hint by the way)? It seems that every status update, email, tweet, newspaper, radio show, newscast and even the neighbourhood cat has something to say about the 8a14a and I have to tell you it's driving me crazy... especially since I jumped off the fence and got Jeremy vaccinated on Tuesday. Oh, and I was interviewed that afternoon by someone from CBC radio... not sure if they aired it, but I was interviewed!
I was reading a friends status update this morning on Facebook and she referred to the fact that their decision had been made. There was a "like" and lots of comments and then there was one comment that stood out from the rest that said something like this: "I'd suggest NOT inflicting vaccines filled with mercury and [poop] on your son. Especially when they are totally unnecessary." ????????????????????
When I was still on the fence I had lots of discussions with people regarding the 8a14a vaccine - and everyone seemed to be on the fence. There were a few people who were pretty confident in their decision - whether it before or against it but here's the key: out of all the people discussing it - nobody had gotten anything done yet (at that point). So after you hop off your fence and make a choice, no matter what the choice, it is YOUR choice. That's the bottom line. You can ask your Mom, doctors, nurses, friends, your dentist or the neighbourhood cat for their opinions and thoughts, but it is still YOUR choice. After you've hopped off the fence and done what you think is right for your child (and contrary to popular belief, we Mother's do care about our children more than our own lives and don't hop off fences just for fun) - what gives people the right to criticize what you've done and, worse yet, try to make you feel like you made the wrong decision? Seriously - these are our children we're talking about, and I don't know anyone who would do anything at all to endanger their lives... it doesn't matter which way you decided to hop but when you hopped your child was first and foremost on your mind and you did what you felt was in their best interest.
There is no right or wrong here. I could offer my insight on the 8a14a vaccine but I won't. I could tell you why I decided to have Jeremy vaccinated and why I intend to have Sydney and Megan vaccinated but I won't. I hope that when you decide to hop off the fence that you feel good about it - I hope that some over opinionated person doesn't say something to make you regret your decision or make you feel like you didn't have your child's best interests in mind. And finally, when you do decide to hop, no matter which side of the fence you're hopping to, I hope you do it with both feet.
For more information on the 8a14a click here http://www.saskatoonhealthregion.ca/your_health/ps_public_health_ip07_about.htm
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tis' the Season
So who went to church this weekend?
I just did a mental tally of how much we spend on Christmas gifts every year. We buy for our parents (4 = $100.00), our kids (3 = $400.00), nieces/nephews (5 = $125.00) and each other ($200.00). Christmas tree ($50), extra food over the Christmas season (I'm gonna be generous here and say $200.00), teachers gifts (we bake so that's included in the food surplus), Christmas cards/pictures inserted/postage ($100.00 - might be over here, might be under, depends on whether or not your pics are professional and how big your list is) and there may be travel expenses for some of you (we stay home). Oh, and there is also Ryan's sister/husband and my brother/wife - thankfully we decided to just buy for the kids last year.
So I suck at math (seriously, I had a tutor all through grade 12 (once a week ALL year) and I still barely passed) but I do know how to use a calculator. Take a good look at the number below:
I just did a mental tally of how much we spend on Christmas gifts every year. We buy for our parents (4 = $100.00), our kids (3 = $400.00), nieces/nephews (5 = $125.00) and each other ($200.00). Christmas tree ($50), extra food over the Christmas season (I'm gonna be generous here and say $200.00), teachers gifts (we bake so that's included in the food surplus), Christmas cards/pictures inserted/postage ($100.00 - might be over here, might be under, depends on whether or not your pics are professional and how big your list is) and there may be travel expenses for some of you (we stay home). Oh, and there is also Ryan's sister/husband and my brother/wife - thankfully we decided to just buy for the kids last year.
So I suck at math (seriously, I had a tutor all through grade 12 (once a week ALL year) and I still barely passed) but I do know how to use a calculator. Take a good look at the number below:
$1075.00
Let's think about this... say we downsize that number to average $800.00 on the off chance that I over estimated in a few areas and some of you spend more or less. Now let's take a look at our MOM's group. I just talked to Rachel and she thinks we have about 48 Moms... I'm not sure of the exact number myself but let's go with 45.
I'm the first one to admit that I don't know everything... but I do know that we (we being my husband and I) can't afford Christmas but every year we spend the money.
So let's get back to the service at Church this weekend. It made me sad and it made me think. Before I started blogging I went to the Hands at Work in Africa website just out of curiosity (well, not totally out of curiosity cause I wanted to tell you something in this post).
That is how much it costs to provide one child with basic healthcare, food security and education for one year. My first thought? I can't afford to give away $180.00. That's 3 sets of swim lessons, 3 months of Taekwondo and a whole season of Rhythmic Gymnastics. It's groceries for a week, gas for 3 weeks, RRSP's for 3 months... anyone else thinking the same things?
BUT... what if I spend $10 less on each parent, $5.00 less on nieces/nephews, send out an e-card instead of mailing cards, buy one less gift for each of my children and spend $50 less on Christmas treats?
I'm going to be generous and average that number out at $200.00. Multiple that by the 45 Mom's in our group every Tuesday morning.
Let's think about this... say we downsize that number to average $800.00 on the off chance that I over estimated in a few areas and some of you spend more or less. Now let's take a look at our MOM's group. I just talked to Rachel and she thinks we have about 48 Moms... I'm not sure of the exact number myself but let's go with 45.
$36,000.00
I'm the first one to admit that I don't know everything... but I do know that we (we being my husband and I) can't afford Christmas but every year we spend the money.
So let's get back to the service at Church this weekend. It made me sad and it made me think. Before I started blogging I went to the Hands at Work in Africa website just out of curiosity (well, not totally out of curiosity cause I wanted to tell you something in this post).
$180.00
That is how much it costs to provide one child with basic healthcare, food security and education for one year. My first thought? I can't afford to give away $180.00. That's 3 sets of swim lessons, 3 months of Taekwondo and a whole season of Rhythmic Gymnastics. It's groceries for a week, gas for 3 weeks, RRSP's for 3 months... anyone else thinking the same things?
BUT... what if I spend $10 less on each parent, $5.00 less on nieces/nephews, send out an e-card instead of mailing cards, buy one less gift for each of my children and spend $50 less on Christmas treats?
$240.00
I'm going to be generous and average that number out at $200.00. Multiple that by the 45 Mom's in our group every Tuesday morning.
$9000.00
$180.00 per child.
You do the math.
$180.00 per child.
You do the math.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My Pantry
I would like to interupt this program for a review of my pantry. Quick... name the four food groups... was ketchup one of them? Well it is in my house! First things first... you need to know that I have nothing against the Happy Pantry lady - I quite enjoyed this morning's show - but she would probably have a heart attack if she came to look in my pantry.
Cheerios are good - great... ours our Honey Nut. Oatmeal is another good one - okee dokee we buy the Maple and Brown Sugar and sometimes add MORE brown sugar. Rice Krispies - excellent, but most of the time mine are mixed in with melted marshmallows. I was sooo happy to hear that cheese strings are good - at least I had something in my fridge that was on the table!
I try. I really do try. My kids have to pack one fruit or veggie in their lunches and cheese is always included... I also try to remember to tell them they have to have fruit first when they come home from school and there are always cold carrots/cucumbers on the table at supper. So that's three servings down... and how many to go???
So please tell me, what do you pack in your kids lunches for snacks (other than fruits/veggies)? The regulars around here are bear paws, crackers, granola bars, cookies, etc. What can you buy for snacks and lunches that is healthy, tastes good (this is a key requirement) and is relatively inexpensive... because let's face it... healthy foods are more expensive.
I was actually inspired by this morning's show... I would like to take some steps (we'll start with baby steps) to making meals a bit more healthy around here. I would like you all to take a moment and share some healthy eating tips with everyone - you don't have to sign up to make a comment on the blog and you can even leave "anonymous" comments. I hope to hear from all of you!!!
Cheerios are good - great... ours our Honey Nut. Oatmeal is another good one - okee dokee we buy the Maple and Brown Sugar and sometimes add MORE brown sugar. Rice Krispies - excellent, but most of the time mine are mixed in with melted marshmallows. I was sooo happy to hear that cheese strings are good - at least I had something in my fridge that was on the table!
I try. I really do try. My kids have to pack one fruit or veggie in their lunches and cheese is always included... I also try to remember to tell them they have to have fruit first when they come home from school and there are always cold carrots/cucumbers on the table at supper. So that's three servings down... and how many to go???
So please tell me, what do you pack in your kids lunches for snacks (other than fruits/veggies)? The regulars around here are bear paws, crackers, granola bars, cookies, etc. What can you buy for snacks and lunches that is healthy, tastes good (this is a key requirement) and is relatively inexpensive... because let's face it... healthy foods are more expensive.
I was actually inspired by this morning's show... I would like to take some steps (we'll start with baby steps) to making meals a bit more healthy around here. I would like you all to take a moment and share some healthy eating tips with everyone - you don't have to sign up to make a comment on the blog and you can even leave "anonymous" comments. I hope to hear from all of you!!!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
See you later.
After listening to Lisa Rendall speak last week it really made me think. I definitely know I don't live each day to it's fullest. I don't appreciate all that I should. I don't tell my husband or children that I love them every single day. My kids have left for school angry or upset with me and I didn't do anything to make it better because I was just as frustrated. We all know we need to slow down and take time to smell the roses... so why don't we?
Every day someone loses a loved one. Every day is another year since someone passed away. I've always felt that one of the hardest parts of losing someone you love is life. How do you continue on with life when you feel like your whole world has fallen apart? When it feels wrong to continue on with the mundane day to day tasks? Taking those steps to everyday life means letting go just a little bit more, it takes you further away from that person that you just don't want to let go of.
You hear a lot of people say they wished they could've said goodbye. Both of my Grandma's are gone - one passed away when I was seventeen and the other 5 years ago. The first I didn't get to tell her goodbye and I was with my other Grandma in the hospital when she died. For 10 years I kept having dreams about my first Grandma and in the dreams I was always trying to tell her I loved her. Now logically I know that she knew I loved her - but there's something different about saying I love you to someone on their way out the door to work and saying I love you to someone you know is dying.
We are all going to die and we need to treat each day as if it might be the last (sounds like a country music song I know). Tell them you love them every day and always remember that it's not goodbye, it's see you later. It might be work, a weekend hockey tournament, a 2 week vacation... or it might be a car accident. There are no parting words that will make anyone feel better about losing someone. The pain will never completely go away - but I take some comfort in knowing that I don't have to say goodbye because I know I'll see them later... and they will be just as excited to see me as I am to see them.
Every day someone loses a loved one. Every day is another year since someone passed away. I've always felt that one of the hardest parts of losing someone you love is life. How do you continue on with life when you feel like your whole world has fallen apart? When it feels wrong to continue on with the mundane day to day tasks? Taking those steps to everyday life means letting go just a little bit more, it takes you further away from that person that you just don't want to let go of.
You hear a lot of people say they wished they could've said goodbye. Both of my Grandma's are gone - one passed away when I was seventeen and the other 5 years ago. The first I didn't get to tell her goodbye and I was with my other Grandma in the hospital when she died. For 10 years I kept having dreams about my first Grandma and in the dreams I was always trying to tell her I loved her. Now logically I know that she knew I loved her - but there's something different about saying I love you to someone on their way out the door to work and saying I love you to someone you know is dying.
We are all going to die and we need to treat each day as if it might be the last (sounds like a country music song I know). Tell them you love them every day and always remember that it's not goodbye, it's see you later. It might be work, a weekend hockey tournament, a 2 week vacation... or it might be a car accident. There are no parting words that will make anyone feel better about losing someone. The pain will never completely go away - but I take some comfort in knowing that I don't have to say goodbye because I know I'll see them later... and they will be just as excited to see me as I am to see them.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Resentful Mom?
I had a breakdown last night and I don't like to admit that to anyone so I figured I might as well blog it.
Note to self... I AM NORMAL.
I am a Mom and I stay home. I'm a stay at home Mom. I know I made a choice to stay home but does that mean I have to like it all the time? What happened to Shauna? If someone asked me to talk about me could I do it? Well, don't answer that but seriously - how do I define myself? How do YOU define yourself? Can you see past the toys, laundry, dinners, sports, kids, husband, work, house and find your soul - what makes you, well, you?
Why do I look forward to Tuesday mornings? Because I know that every other woman in that room would understand EXACTLY how I am feeling and nobody would judge. How do you stop doing something you like? Where do you draw the line and say no (and I'm not talking about your kids here)? I think we all need to take a step back and figure out what's really important, decide what we want to do about it and then (and this is the hardest part) follow through.
I am now sitting here deciding whether or not to post this blog. Yikes. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna click the "publish post" button below I mean I'm still typing aren't I? There's something about baring your innermost thoughts to people you don't know but most of you reading this know me and I have a tendency to put on a good show - life is great, um... sometimes it is.
If you're going to respond to this post (apparently I'm going to post it because as metioned before I'm still typing) it can't be anything related to sorrow or sympathy or "it'll be okay we all go through it" kind of things. I want you to tell me what makes you YOU and how you remember what makes you YOU. A therapist once said to me, "When you're on an airplane and the attendents are demonstrating what to do in case of an emergency think about the oxygen masks... put yours on first and then help your children or others around you." Wow, someone actually telling a Mom to think about herself first... but the kicker is it's true.
Note to self... I AM NORMAL.
I am a Mom and I stay home. I'm a stay at home Mom. I know I made a choice to stay home but does that mean I have to like it all the time? What happened to Shauna? If someone asked me to talk about me could I do it? Well, don't answer that but seriously - how do I define myself? How do YOU define yourself? Can you see past the toys, laundry, dinners, sports, kids, husband, work, house and find your soul - what makes you, well, you?
Why do I look forward to Tuesday mornings? Because I know that every other woman in that room would understand EXACTLY how I am feeling and nobody would judge. How do you stop doing something you like? Where do you draw the line and say no (and I'm not talking about your kids here)? I think we all need to take a step back and figure out what's really important, decide what we want to do about it and then (and this is the hardest part) follow through.
I am now sitting here deciding whether or not to post this blog. Yikes. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna click the "publish post" button below I mean I'm still typing aren't I? There's something about baring your innermost thoughts to people you don't know but most of you reading this know me and I have a tendency to put on a good show - life is great, um... sometimes it is.
If you're going to respond to this post (apparently I'm going to post it because as metioned before I'm still typing) it can't be anything related to sorrow or sympathy or "it'll be okay we all go through it" kind of things. I want you to tell me what makes you YOU and how you remember what makes you YOU. A therapist once said to me, "When you're on an airplane and the attendents are demonstrating what to do in case of an emergency think about the oxygen masks... put yours on first and then help your children or others around you." Wow, someone actually telling a Mom to think about herself first... but the kicker is it's true.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
How my 2 year old broke my nose!
What a good morning! It felt so good to be back at MOMS. I am so glad we have a room leader for every room AND a Child Coordinator. It was also great of Joanne to come and help us out - the first morning is such a busy one!!!
So I told y'all I would tell you how Jeremy broke my nose and here I am - telling you yet another story. All righty... my daughter Megan (who is 7) has bunk beds in her room. Jeremy loves going on the top bunk and is great at climbing up the ladder... but doesn't like coming back down. So he sits at the top cross legged and yells for us to come get him down. Here is how he comes down - he count to three or counts backwards from five like the Little Einsteins and then freefalls forward headfirst with his arms out and we catch him.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
This next paragraph happened over the course of about 5 seconds... I am standing there waiting for him to come down but was looking to the right when he quickly counted backwards and fell forward - so his head caught the the left side of my nose/eye/forehead. Now this is the important part - I CAUGHT HIM... but then immediately put him down when I heard the crunch (you're all squirming in your seats right now with that heeby jeeby feeling in your stomach) and screamed. I put my hand up to my nose and moved it back and forth at the top (again, you've got the heeby jeeby feeling in your stomach), put my hand under my nose to catch the stream of blood that started coming and thought to myself... "Oh x-x-x-x (4 letter word for crap that's not nice) this can't be happening" and by the time that thought was finished I had my head over the sink and had grabbed the closest cloth that was there - which happened to be a Norwex cloth (insert crap word again here).
This next paragraph happened over the course of about 2 minutes... the girls come running asking what happened before I was out of the bedroom. I tell them Jeremy broke my nose and they both start crying and screaming. So now all three of my kids are screaming while I'm hanging over the bathroom sink. Jeremy is trying to crawl up my leg as I yell to Sydney (she's 9) to get the phone and call her Dad (she informed me afterwards she thought she was gonna get to call 911). A side note here is that my best friend lives right across the street and she is ALWAYS home - literally, she does daycare and is always home during the day - but they had taken a 3 day trip to Lethbridge. So, Megan ran screaming back into her room and slammed the door shut so I was yelling for her to come and get Jeremy away from me. Ryan gets on the phone and I tell him Jeremy broke my nose and there's nothing... silence... then he says, "Are you sure?" WHAT????? Seriously???? I tell him to come home then hang up on him cause I feel like I'm gonna get sick but thankfully didn't. Megan is now in the living room and yells at me, "How do know it's broken?" ***WARNING - THE NEXT SENTENCE IS RATED R**** I reply, "Because it's f*$#ing crooked and it's moving!" Yep, I dropped the f-bomb on my 7 year old. SHE starts crying again and says, "But I don't want a Mommy with a crooked nose!". Ha... ha ha... ha. No, I was not laughing for real.
Ryan gets home, we get ahold of our other neighbour and his son comes over to watch the girls - irony here is that he's 10... and Sydney is 9... but his Dad was home in case he needed any help. I wasn't too concerned about the kids at that moment. We head to Emergency at St. Paul's - I wait for 3 hours to be told that there is too much swelling and fluid to do anything there. He gets me an appointment with an ENT (ear, nose, throat) for Monday morning and says he'll fix it up then for me. I spend the entire weekend FREAKING out because this is gonna hurt only to be told that "Oh no, that is much too uncomfortable to do in the office" and get booked in for surgery that Thursday. Surgery? Yep. Surgery.
The Aftermath...
There isn't much to the story after this point - surgery was okay. I felt like crap afterwards and had to eat my lasagna with my head laying on the table I felt so sick but I was soooo hungry (I'm a big fan of food) cause all they gave me afterwards was 2 pieces of toast. Those of you who saw me at church that Sunday saw me with a splint and the after effect of this whole thing is a crooked nose. Yes, if you look carefully you'll see that it's a bit crooked but I have decided against doing anything to fix it cause that would mean surgery again - and I figure as long as my breathing is okay why mess with a good thing. As far as I'm concerned my crooked nose = another life story.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
They're letting me blog so you gotta read my stories now!
I have been entrusted to blog on the site - wheee!!!! I'll start off easy so they don't kick me out after my first entry. So let's start by telling you my MOMS story (if you haven't already seen it at church on the big screen). I met my friend Shelby through a curling iron (seriously) and we soon discovered we have lots in common... kids, staying home, life tribulations, Old Navy and headaches. Our friendship evolved through email and I can't even remember the first time we actually got together in person. At some point in time Shelby mentioned MOMS and at some point I asked her if it was "churchy". At that point in my life I wasn't into church - actually, I never had been into church. I come from a Catholic family and pretty much viewed church as stand up, sit down, say this, sing that... very methodical and repetitive (which is my nice word for boring). Not to mention the fact that you had to actually have your kids IN the church with you - I spent more time hunting down fish crackers and toys than I did actually listening to anything that was being said. I decided to give MOMS a try and was hooked. What do I love best about MOMS? Well at first it was the chance to sit and eat breakfast with NO kids present and just relax. Now breakfast is still high on the list (I like food) but the women I have met through MOMS and some of the discussions that have been had are priceless - literally, they are like those Mastercard commercials, money can't buy them and neither can credit. The food, stories, women, laughter and tears - it's Vegas in a church and it all stays in that room. You don't have to hide who you are and you learn that you are not alone. I know we all know that we aren't alone but really - when you hear other Mom's tell the same stories and share the same ups and downs as you it makes you feel NORMAL. Eventually Shelby and her hubby came over for supper so the husbands could meet (thankfully they got along) and they invited us to come to a fall kickoff and then for lunch afterwards. I had been thinking about attending a service for a while and I'm not sure why we never went, maybe the invite was what we needed (maybe the lunch... kidding!). Think back to my description of a Catholic church service... can you snore? No offense to all you Catholics out there but I got more out of this one service than I had out of my thirty some years of being Catholic. Amazing and eye opening. I knew immediately that God was stirring my soul... and he probably started doing it when I met Shelby. Well I can see that this blog thing might become time consuming - I'm liking it! I'm gonna have to learn to make a long story short at some point but since I'm already close to the end of this one I'll stop... almost. My story ends with me still attending MOMS - starting my fourth session next week and I am now a part of the MOM's Ministry Team - and wow, what a group of women they are. I am very grateful to be able to spend time with them and have already learned so much more than I thought possible. I am looking very forward to this term of MOMS and hope that we get to see some new faces out there along with the veterans. BTW - Lakeview Moms is Twittering... join us... it's a super way to quickly check out what's happening at MOM's.
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